The Sexy Side of Mania

The fact that I am even considering this post means that I am high.

It also means that I'm probably going to regret it at some point but it's like they say, sometimes in life you just have to say WTF!!!

I was chatting with a guy online today who had a big problem, and apparently it was between his legs.

Seems that when his mood elevates, his libido elevates as well, meaning, he gets horny as hell. I told him that I can definitely understand what he was talking about because the same thing happens to me.

As the conversation rolled out, he shared his fears about cheating on his partner and how this particular part of his mania was very close to ruining his life - and he asked me how I felt about the part it played in my life.

My life, I explained, is very different from his. I do not have a partner to cheat on, and explained that rather than expell  my sypmptoms from my life I am trying to embrace those that add to it.

In my mind, as a single person who is always safe, having sex adds to my life. I explained that when I am unable to have sex while adhearing to my own strict safe sex rules I would revisit my approach and maybe change something about it.

He LOST it on the chat. He felt that I was way out of line with my thoughts and that I should definitely call my doctor and let him know what I was thinking. I graciously thanked my new friend for his opinions and left the chat promptly.

So what's the point? Well, when I went to the chat, I wasn't looking for a teacher, and I wasn't expecting to be judged. That seems to be something that we are all so good at doing; judging other people without taking a walk in their shoes.

I was especially surprised that it happened in a space that is supposed to be judgement neutral. But we all do it; maybe not in a chat room, maybe not intentionally, but we all judge each other to death.

One of my goals, as I mentioned earlier, is to begin to identify my symptoms and "traits" that I think are a result of my bipolar, and embrace them and try to point myself in a positive direction, and I intend to do this with or without the approval of my friends, family and even my doctor.

Nobody knows what's going on in my head except myself. And nobody can tell me how to live, regardless of my symptoms unless, ofcourse, I am a threat to myself or others, and that ship has sailed several times.

I'm going to try and take a break from judging. Consciously attempt to stop the subtext and promote some peace in my mind and let the sun shine through.

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FOOD THAT I LOVE
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-PANCAKES
-STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE
-DEEP FRIED PEPPERONI
-HALLOWEEN MOLASSES KISSES
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Light casts shadows
By its' presence causing darkness
Memories play in the heart of
the shadows
Telling the tales of sordid days gone by
Licking at the heals of reality
As if to tease its' very existence
Like water to stone
Darkness erodes the light
Casting a blanket of memories
Into the approaching deep sleep
Dreams come to those who will
let them
Until they come to an end
Until the light casts shadows